Flying Solo

So I can't help but treasure times I am alone.  They are few and fair between. I usually get 3-4 minutes in the car to and from day care, but as I sit here and really think about it, I get more time than that.  I sit here at 4 am on daylight savings time chicken pecking at my keyboard in a dark room with only the hum of the furnace and the swoosh of the fish tank water ticklng my ear drums.  I am a hermit in some ways.  I find ways to be alone, because when I'm not my senses are firing on all 5 cylinders.

To say that this month has been exhausting would be an understatement. At school, students definitely have spring fever so the duty times of my day have been mentally and even physically exhausting.  Since I work in a public school, we work with many types of kids.  Kids that roll down the hall in a wheel chair with smiles tattooed on their faces to kids that would give Mahamad Ali a run for the belt. 

At home the boys seem to want to break down the walls and tear through the neighborhood.  They definitely need space, while our house is pretty big, they seem to always want the same thing at the same time.  Whomever looses the tug-o-war has learned that if the bellow like a bull for 67 seconds without a breath, the time will stop.  That is okay though because I see that spring is around the corner. 

I compete in many solitary activities- running, swimming, biking, reading- sports where I am my own enemy, partner and competition. The only winner/ loser is me.  I cannot blame anyone but myself for a big loss, for not giving120% each time the gun goes off.  That's why when my thoughts do not stay positive and that I don't believe, "I can, will and am" able of whatever challenge lies ahead I flail miserably.  I enjoy other solitary activities that are not work out related. One of my favorite guilty pleasures is going to a movie by myself. The last time I did this, I saw The Notebook. It was 7 years ago. 4 years ago I traveled to California by myself to meet my niece. That was a glorious 4 days.



I have this tool box of phrases, life moments, people who have struggles that cannot compare that I mentally pull out and set on my dining room table once in a while.  It's like a fisherman's tackle box with 2 tiers and 80 compartments.  When "phhhht" it folds open, this bright orange light pours through and I swear I hear voices of angels. It's that box that gets me through the pity parties and the, "I cannot handle another____ like this one."  The older I get, the more tackle I add.  The more I know myself.  It is in the solitary moments that I understand who I am, what I need and what I am made of. Taking the time to self-actualize changes the way I think about my past, my future goals, even my successes and failures. Not all learning needs too happen in they eye of a tornado. It's the change that takes place after I use that toolbox that is the most important thing.  If I didn't rebait and cast my hook, I would not move forward in life.

What are you casting your line for and with these days?  How do you enjoy your time spent alone?