Two for 2012

A Quote





A Poem.

Happy Ending?

by Shel Silverstein

There are no happy endings.

Endings are the saddest part,

So just give me a happy middle

And a very happy start.

Step 1

2012 dawns tomorrow.  Are you a goal setter? Resolution maker?  This year I will... list maker? I am. Most goals that I set for myself I complete.  I complete them for a few reasons. 

1. I make my plan actionable. For example, if my new resolution is to be kinder, I don't just state the what, I state the how.  I will be kinder by... looking at the other person's side.  I will get organized by working on 1 room for 15 minutes a day.

2. My goals are nonnegotiable...choiceless- I make a contract for myself.  stickk.com is a win-win when it comes to goal setting.

3. I problem solve the usual excuses that I have used before.

4. I use procrastination to my advantage.  Deadlines are my friend.  I work well under pressure.

5. I schedule my goal into my day. When I do it daily it becomes routine.

6. I monitor my behavior by keeping a log or diary.

7. I find someone doing what I have resolved to do and imitate them.  What are they doing that I'm not. 

8. Control my environment. I call this the -2+2. Take out 2 negative influences...maybe it's television, facebook, alcohol, buying junk food, friends and add 2 positive influences-volunteering in a school, spending 10 minutes with your child, working out 20 minutes a day, going to church- whatever.

9. I treate myself kindly.  I am human.  I will make mistakes, forget and mess up.  I will not take it out on myself. 

When you reach goals or create new habits 2 things happen.  1. You have more faith in yourself and 2. you have hope that your future will be brighter.

Aunt Marge

My sister is ah-mazing.  She is very kind hearted.  Too kind hearted.  For Christmas this year she gifted me airfare to watch my brother Mike graduate from MIT.  I had this trip on my vision board but never in 1000 years did I think I would be able to swing it.  I had planned on teaching summer school and use the moo-lah to cover the airfare. 

My sister Marge is 14 months older than me and we are polar opposites.  We shared a room and a bed for almost 13 years.  Margaret Mead said, "Sisters is probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship." This really holds true for McGarvy and I. We were frenemies in high school.  She would always stand up for me when kids like Justin Helper made cruel Jokes at my expense, but we would rarely speak to each other throughout the day. TO say I was mean to Marge growing up would be an understatement. 

Today, my sister is one of my best friends.  I speak with her more than my husband on most days.  She is an amazing aunt and one if the truly "good" people I know.  I am so blessed to have her in the lives of myself and the boys.  Besides my trip to MIT is moving to Colorado when Matt is finished with school in 2013.  My boys need stronger role models in their life and I need my sister. 


Pea Ess- I also have a trip to Sydney on the VB as well.  Hint, Hint Aunt Sugar...

New Year's Traditions

Chex Mix- Check
Sausage and Cheese Tray- Check
Nachos- Check
New Family Game- Check
New Year's hat and horns- Check
Sparkling Cider- Check
Grandma and Grandpa Farm- not yet

Every year we celebrate the arrival of the New Year in almost the same fashion.  It starts with a mad dash to get the house organized, extra toys and old clothes donated and snacks made.

This year is no exception- with one small thing.  While cleaning out and donating toys and clothes to our local women's shelter, my mood swiftly changed.   It was time to say bye-bye butterfly to all the baby gear.  It had been sitting in Toby's room for the better part of 6 months.  I guess a part of me wasn't ready to disembark from Babyville population +1.  While I know my neurologist has said it isn't a possibility to consider, I still held out hope.  Hope for a girl, hope for another little nugget to add to the lodge, hope for that bus load of kids I one day wanted to have...

Out of the many hats I wear, this is the one I cherish the most.  I love everything about being a mother.  I love everything that leads up to holding that 8 lb nugget in my arms- and everything that comes after.  I love holding that tiny being while a feeling of calmness washes over me.  I love watching them grow and develop their own individuality.  Don't get me wrong, it's hard work.  There are many sleepless nights, sacrifices and  discipline that go into being a parent.  But for me to hop on that bus again would be selfish.  I would be putting my wants and needs first. 

As I sit here watching my 20 month old tornado his way from one room to another, I know that he is the last link on our chain.  I have 2 boisterous boys that have their own will and way of tearing through life's peaks and valleys...and I need to be here for them.  To watch them hit their milestones, to guide and to bring down the hammer as the case may be. 

So I will cherish being an aunt. I will poke and prod all of my brothers and sisters to get on board.
Aunt Julie has a van to fill...



The Beaver Boys

James is on his way back from the farm today- I missed his face around here. He adds a crackle to the air and when he is gone, my heart shrinks a bit. I know he loves the farm- in fact he went bowling and saw the new Chipmunk's movie so it sounds like his Christmas is continuing. Beaver Boot camp takes place the minute his toes hit the ground in Quincy...poor guy You may hear the whine from wherever you are @ 2pm.

Toby D, however, has definitely taken advantage of the 1-1 time. With the weather in the 50's we hit the backyard yesterday. He got a Batman cape for Christmas so he wears that wherever he goes. It was hilarious watching him mow the lawn with his cape billowing behind him. He really is owning his SuperPowers, too.

With a 5 year difference, the boys get along pretty well. James is very patient with his brother.Toby however is the intitiator. While his characteristics include curiosity, problem solving and many other attributes exhibited by a gifted toddler ;)- he is a brute. Toby does not stand for being pushed around. In fact he is a quiet instigator. He is famous for his punch and run style of play. The boys have recently started Wrestle Mania. While I too enjoy a good Beaver Sandwich and body slam combo- I find myself having to protect James before Toby sends him into Sleepy Land. He has technique, speed and POWER. I sometimes compare him to Tyson. Not the coked out, fat Tyson; but the lean mean boxing machine Tyson.

I blame this aggression on the fact that Toby puts up with a lot of earpiercing, attention curdling screams and whines from his big brother.  James was an only child for 5 years- spoiled in every direction you turn.  When #2 came along, life as he knew it changed.  James still seeks constant attention- positive or negative. When he gets picked up from school he runs down the sidewalk screaming for kids, "Caden, Elyza, Lyndsey Lyndsey, Lyndsey!  This is my mom.  Hey Caden, it's my mom."  Replace mom with whoever is picking him up.  Half the time the kids don't even turn around. He's like a Jack Russell Terrier hopping on and off random pieces of furniture.  I always ask him to, "turn it down," the energy is up way too high.  By the time he gets home he needs a snack or we will go head to head for 8 rounds by dinnertime.  Most of the time Matt is picking him up, so the chances of leveling his blood sugar out are slim to - 

Gah- the thought occurred to me that Grandma Farm was coming down, so I need to get my tail in gear.  This house needs a scrub down.  Toodle-ee-oo racoon.

Training Plan- check

I woke up before my cycling class and planned my 2012 training calendar- Looks like blastoff date is Mid-February.  Perrrrfect!  It's in pen and is for an Olympic Tri with a half marathon 2 months before. No worries, Matt doesn't read the blog...at least I don't think.

Until then, I am getting trained to instruct Indo-Row.  I'm so excited about this. 

If you haven't tried this, run don't walk- it's an amazing workout.  I combine it with 20 minutes of Pilates.  You can bring a partner with you and race in teams.  This isn't your old fashioned metal propeller fan...it's great for cross training, works every muscle from the shoulders to the calves and burns more calories than an elliptical.


New Years Day I will be teaching a cycling class from 1-2.  Here is my playlist from iTunes.  Enjoy.

Trying to Tri

So with 2012 dawning in the distance I am itchy to set up my racing schedule.  Now I have taken a brief hiatus from any form of racing with the hubs school/ work schedule and the birth of #2.  Without a doubt I am itching to enter a few in 2012.  So I ripped off the band-aid and broached the topic with Matt.  What I thought would go like this:

"I'm setting up my racing calendar." Me
"Well, I'm not sure how you will find the time, with all of the balls you have in the air.  You're a RockStar mom, an amazing teacher and a fabulous wife.  Plus, I am afraid you will drowned in the water and I-JUST-CAN'T-Go-ON-WITHOUT-YOU!" Matt

Really went something like this:

"I'm wanting to do a few races next year." Me
"How many?" Matt
"4," I low balled it.
"What kind?"
"A half, full and 2 triathlons."
"How much will that cost?"
"I dunno."

With lightning speed he was at the computer reporting that Chicago is $170 plus gas plus hotel.  The Olympic Tri I want to do is $90.  He droned on- I think somewhere there was talk of tax...With numbers like those, I knew my 2012 season was quickly coming to an end before it even started. So I have compromised to settle on a full in St. Louis for half the price and a half and sprint Tri here in Quincy. Race by race as my "budget" allows.

Should I tell him I'm gearing up for a Half IM in 2013?  Maybe that band-aid needs some more time. Until then, I am getting my training plan started this week while son #1 is with Grandpa. I can't wait to get back in the saddle. While I am gearing up my training plan #2 son will be put on a tractor pull training plan.  Uncle Kev gifted him a tank size tractor and he is "in it to win it." Watch out Peotone Fair 2012- Here comes Toby. 

Merry Christmas

Hours of fun

Super James

Christmas with Grandma and Grandpa Farm

Toby and his garbage truck

James' new wheels

As you can see Santa dumped a load this Christmas.  When Santa comes he adds a few paper chains and snowflakes- extra decor to add to the mystic. Between both sets Grandparents, aunts and uncles the boys were treated to 4 Christmases.  My livingroom looks like Toy-R-Us.  Hands down their two most popular toys were a bike horn and a slinky.  Ha!  Keep it simple. My favorite gift was a 2012 calendar that my sister-in-law puts together with the families photographs. I love turning it to a new month and not forgetting birthdays.  We spent Christmas morning here then drove up to Wilmington for the Farm Christmas.  It was great to be with family!

I Miss

family and friends- old, new, alive, gone.  If I heard Green Sleeves right now I may start crying and never stop. I love being around my family on holidays.  It's hard with everyone scattered across the US.  So, in the Beaver Lodge we have many family traditions.

We've been using Elf On The Shelf this month.  Our elf is McGinty and he's a pistol.  James has reprimanded him many  times for putting his undies on the tree or making flour angels on the kitchen floor.  Elfkins (Santa's helper) has been trying to take James to the North Pole the past few nights.  James finds notes telling him they had to turn around because he wasn't listening.  He finally pulled off a real visit last night.  James came back with a light wand that most street performers would love.  Elfkins sprinkles James with Forget Frost, so there are no memories.  There have been several written requests from James to lose the Forget Frost, but Elfkins is hardheaded.  With Elfkin's visit and James having lost a tooth the night before, it made for an interesting early morning.

Today James and I made a birthday cake for Jesus-  it started as a tradition 4 years ago with our cousin "Charley" and every year, James and I whip out the old Christmas Tree pan and get mixing.  This year's cake did not turn out.  We have high hopes that it will miraculously drop out of the pan (If the sides weren't burnt to a crisp, this may be possible). James and I left dad in charge while we finished up the final touches on Grandma/pa Farm's gift.  Oh well, we may have to improvise with a Charlie Brown Tree this year. 

We also make Santa's Cookies on Christmas Eve- oatmeal cranberry.   We have had the same Christmas Eve menu: cookies, overnight french toast, crockpot beef and these Doritos my mom used to make.  We play boardgames, watch movies read books and snoop under the tree- Oops. We also check Santa's progress all day long.  In the afternoon we go bowling.and then to 4pm mass. 

God isn't like Santa Claus.  He doesn't pop in and deliver everything we ask for in nice neat packages.  That's not how my God works anyway.  Really our Christmas traditions revolve around the 4 of us- family.  The thing I am most thankful for.  The only thing on my wish list this year.

Then on Sunday Morning, we will celebrate the wonders of being young and leave to go up to the farm so that I can have a little bit more of what I love the most.

Spend Less Share More

When the final bell rang yesterday I will admit I too was stampeding like a mad coked out cow down the hallway! I love vacations.  Time to breath deeply and cuddle my boys without time limits. 

This vacation is especially sweet.  My Teachers Union passed a contract that avoided a strike that would have began the day we returned to school. So, I will take my $300 a year pay increase, exhale and move forward thanking God that a compromise was reached. 

I will spend countless hours at the library sitting under a tree on a toad stool reading aloud to James and Toby.  Reading aloud to my boys is the greatest gift I can give them.  A gift my mother gave to me. 

  This seems to be a favorite of James the past few weeks.  If you have not read this, I encourage you to take the time to read it, there are many lessons we talk about even when the book is not around.  I've started reading aloud to him at the dinner table.  He's been a hot mess the past two weeks and when hunger strilkes this Beaver, the last thing he wants to do is eat.  Scream, cry, argue- yes.  Reading aloud distracts him from the negative attention he is receiving.  It's also a bribe- a bite of food gets the page turned and our adventure continues. 

Toby loves turning pages, pointing to pictures, climbing up and down off my lap, piling book after book after book within arms reach. 


Lane Smith, Patricia Polaco, Kevin Henkes...our list of favorites goes on and on.  We have bins of books in our home.  I have stacks, the boys each have shelves.  The one thing missing is Matt.  He never liked to read, struggled with reading in elementary school and never found the love that I was able to experience.  I have boys.  I am a teacher, and I know the affects of what happens as the boys get older and their father doesn't share this joy.  So I will fill their bookshelves with books and continue to introduce to them characters from my past and new characters we will meet together on that toad stool under the tree in the library.  The more books they have access to, the greater their chances will be to further their education- 3.2 years according to statistics. 

More Truth, Less Shoulds

My goal for 2012 is honesty.  Honesty within myself.  (Not with James and the Santa thing...that would be a disaster.)

The best things in life are not seen, nor touched, they are felt with the heart.  -Helen Keller

My mom has this saying embroidered in a frame and hanging in her bedroom.  I've read it hundreds of times, mostly while putting away folded laundry.  I picture it right now, sitting here. It's outlined by her rose colored bedroom wall. I feel her carpet squish between my bare toes.  The smell of old shoes and clothes jogs my memory back. Did my mom read this daily? Is this how she leads her life? Knowing what I know I can answer yes.

It's the simple things in life.  So I will Simplify.
It's about living in the moment.  So I will be Mindful.
It's about becoming a better person. So I will Reflect.

It's time to slow down.

eFF List

In my world everyone is a pony, and they all eat rainbows and poop butterflies.

Seriously...wouldn't life be fabulous? But really, it's not the real world.  Ponies don't have bills, doctor visits and 50 monkeys hanging off their arms at any given moment.  The end of the year is upon us so it's time...for the eFF List.

  Things I Wanted to Accomplish But- eFF It I Didn't

1.To stop leaving my phone on silent.  It walks off on me...technically it is usually carried by a sticky fingered tornado.

2. To occupy Wall Street- sorry no time.  Heard there were a few riots though.

3. To do things that make me feel uncomfortable.  I need a bucket list.  Not a day by day, minute by minute...just get me to bedtime list.  But a real Bucket List.  

4. To take stock in Solo Cups.  When I was 20 and drinking out of a keg, I had no idea how fascinating those cups were going to be to my boys.

5.  To own a pair of Wonder Woman Under Roos or be in a Flash Mob Wedding Proposal (see number 3)

6. Find out who is behind the Chuck Norrisisms and punch them between the eyes.

7. Start a photo Journal- 365 days of planking

8. To become a filer not a piler.  I call it organized chaos, it drives Matt nuts. I blame my dad.

9. To give Toby's room a theme.  Poor guy- the walls are white.  The crib is white...the empty shelves are white...you get the idea.

10. To coach one of James Little League Teams.  I am no athlete- I am proud of myself when I swing the bat without tripping, so maybe I could be the water girl.

Bring on the glory of 2012 Goal Setting- here's to keeping it simple!

The Gift of Writing

This does not happen often.  But when it does- it makes IT all worth it. 

My A Game

I work better under pressure. I've started calling my last minute saves- Tebowing It. It's been a rough week around here with the Bears' last loss- I think a few of the boys are in mourning so when I say Tebowing it- I usually say it in my head.  Toby and I have no time to grieve, we have been whirlwinds. So much so that this morning Matt decided to put up a baby gate and childproof all the cupboards and drawers that are within our reach.  Oh well, we will find ways around that. 

James has recently changed his Christmas list from wanting everything, to only wanting one thing.  An XBOX 360.  We already have a Wii, so his wish will not be granted.  I'm okay with that, but he however may not be.  How will I deal with this disappointment? By blaming Santa.  Yes, I know this sounds horrible, but really who in their right mind would give their child another game system when the current game system is usually in Time Out for bad behavior. So, because I can, I will.  Just like I blamed Santa for making me donate bags of toys to the Salvation Army for the poor kids.

Since my boys are still young enough not to realize the cost of things, I do most of my Christmas shopping at the Dollar Tree.  One son is happy with a cardboard box.  The other is happy with 40 wrapped cardboard boxes in any shape or size.  It's not quality, it's quantity.  Matt and I have set Christmas expectations pretty low around here.  We spend about $75 a kid- make that a James.  Toby maybe $40- until he starts asking for unicorns, too. 

James is starting to get smart.  We celebrated Christmas with Matt's side of the family yesterday.  Today we went to church.  On the way home I asked him what his youth minister Kory taught him.  "I don't know," he replied.  "Why not?" I asked. "I couldn't stop thinking about my new gun."  Said gun is a new Nerf number that shoots green disks out like they are skeet.  Matt had already taken the gun away for improper usage.  "Mom, I just have to earn it back, I will do anything."  I know, you are all thinking WWJD?  Not James.  He has decided that dad can give that one to the poor kids since it's just sitting on the top of the fridge and he will ask SC for a new one. 

Now that my friends, is true A Game.

I Ripped The Band-Aid Off

I canceled my Facebook account.  I do this every year around Christmas.  It lasts a month.  I need more time for other things.  I go through withdrawals the first day, then...life goes on.  I really do not need a play by play into other peoples lives, but I enjoy keeping up with family.  You can tell a lot about a person by reading their status updates in order.  So long FB.  See you next year!

I'm Proud That My Boys Know What I Do

That I involve them.  That they participate. 

Toby runs lap after lap around the house.  He doesn't stop.  His giggle rings through the air as anyone tries to lap him. Santa is bringing him a knew pair of running shoes.

James bikes.  He bikes and he bikes.  He gets bundled up on colder days and hops on, blowing his Honka Hootah to wake the neighbors. Santa is bringing him a new bike.

Both boys jump.  They jump and they jump. Rope, lines in the sidewalk, each other- you name it.  Santa is bringing me two healthy and happy boys.  

Things I Thought I Knew...But Didn't

I thought I knew how to say no...my to do list is always growing.

I thought I knew how my life would turn out...really I'm one of the last people I consult.

I thought I knew that God would answer my prayers...really I was just molding God's Will to match my wants.

I thought I knew that that my parents were great parents...really they are even more amazing role models.



Neither of my parents have college degrees.  My dad is a farmer and a retired Union Laborer.  My mom works for the Abe Lincoln Veteran's Cemetery.  Both of them instilled in all 5 of us the importance of an education.  All 5 of us have continued on to further our education outside of high school. 

 "opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls, and it looks like work." 

Many people are born with extraordinary talents...pianists, artists or athletes.  I wouldn't put any family member in one of those categories.  My parents taught me that there is no substitute for hard work.  Sure, I was the weak link when it came to this, and really didn't put this into practice until my final year in college. But it has definitely paid off in life. 

My dad taught my son James what an imagination is.  He spent countless hours with him on the floor pushing cars, trains and anything with wheels.  He'd march him to the window and point to the moon so often that when Grandpa would go back to the farm, my 12 month old would point to the moon and say, "Grandpa's moon."  Grandpa Farm would climb the playground equipment and go down slides with James.  When they play baseball they both pause and wave to the invisible crowd before...a swing and a miss.  My dad worked extremely hard to provide for us when we were growing up.  I've witnessed him strap his overalls on every day of the week to feed veal calves or plow...you name it. He also missed out on a lot. But not anymore- he's willing to listen and even give advice if I need it.  He's always willing to drop everything and drive down, just to help out. 

My mom never said no to reading a book to me when I was growing up.  I'd crawl into her lap hundreds of times and she would take me on any adventure I pleased.  My mom has had more pain in her life then anyone I've met. She's lost many people- one was taken from her when she was too young. But, she still continued to lose people.  I sometimes think that my mom has lost so much that God is giving our family a breather.  But my mom's faith in God never wavers.  She taught me the importance of going to church-not just saying, "I believe!" She taught me to never quit, even when it seems like that's the only option. She also taught me that it's ok to feel like running away- she also offers to run away with me, whenever the feeling strikes. 

My parents have both taught me the importance of philanthropy.  They've given to countless organizations- the earliest memory I have of this is bringing toys to an orphanage.  They give every Christmas to the Kuzma Care Cottage  our small town food pantry.  We also no longer give each other Christmas gifts.  Instead, we donate the money to a family scholarship fund that goes to a high school student in my hometown. They've taught me that "community matters."

My role models aren't high priced athletes, actors who "can't get it together" or strung out singers.  My role models taught me to want to be a better person.  They've taught me to take leadership on issues I believe in.  They've taught me that there is nothing more important than your family. 

I Learn From Kids- EVERYDAY!

My kids, your kids, my fellow teachers kids...they are an amazing species. Stop lowering your expectations- they WILL rise to the occasion.

In order to make anything a reality you have to dream about it first...Take a minute to watch this video.  Imagine if you stopped limiting yourself- like when you were young.

Random Acts of Kindness

It's days like this that I miss my bike.

I need to move somewhere warmer...or suck it up and bundle up for a ride like the crazy guy I saw on his road bike yesterday. Those must be some primo tires that corner well on ice. But then again this guy never stops when he comes to Broadway- swerves through dodging cars or making a sharp right turn.


I usually hit the basement for an hour ride on my trainer and pretend I am not staring at  the concrete floor. But I have been sick with the flu the past 2 days- which has not been helpful since Matt's final is later today.  Luckily the boys only have colds, so they can still hit school and daycare so I could rest.   Life is a constant balancing act.  As I lay on the coach last night, unable to move because my body needed rest, I reflected on my day. 

 My alarm goes off at 345 am.  I hit up Moodle- our online discussion forum for my classes, return school email- whatever 45 minutes will allow.  At 4:30 I hit the pavement or bike trainer- maybe a 2-3 mile run, whatever the weather allows.  Then I stretch.  By 6 I am making coffee, breakfast, packing school lunches, and moving McGinty (Our elf on the shelf). I wake James at 6:30- Toby is usually up by now.  Most of the time Matt is off to work.  So while I shower, the boys are eating, or Toby is cheering on James as he plays a mean game of 1 man football in the dining room.  Several reminders later, and usually 1 crying fit (pick your cryer- it's a crap shoot) the boys are all dressed and ready to go by 715.  We fly by the babysitter to drop of Toby, pick up James friend Lyndsey then off the Dewey.  James can be dropped off at 730- his day starts at 8, but he usually eats breakfast AGAIN if he is there early.  School breakfast is gross and I don't want him eating it, but they won't stop him.  I don't like dropping him off that early, but I have no choice. I have to be at work by 8. I'd go through the work day, but trust me when I say you wouldn't believe me. 

I need to slow down, to enjoy life and the boys more.  I need to not get it all done. But really, what could I take off my plate? So when I have 2 days like I did this week where I am coasting at 40% I really think about how lucky I am to be healthy.  To have a husband who is willing to step in and make me rest, even though he is just as busy.  To have a job which allows me to take a sick day if I am not well.  To work with an amazing team that steps in to help out when 1 of us is down. I think that's really what life is about- being thankful- which leads to more kindness in this world.  My class started 12 days of Kindness on Monday.  Each day we are doing 12 random acts of kindness.  It may help everyone to see what one little act can do.  It may teach my little nuggets to use manners a little more.  Or, it may not. 

I saw this add the other day and gagged- ewww.  It's pretty dramatic, but I know a few soda drinker- eh hem- MATT!

Day 30: I Write Letters

My mom gave me a box. That box was filled with blank stationary and ribbons. She told me about writing letters. Letters to the boys, Matt, Dad, friends. So, I started writing letters. In that box 6+ years later are several bundles. Bundles that are to be passed on to different people when I die. Each bundle represents a person that has touched my life in a profound way. The letters are a way to express thanks, a chronology of life's beginning to present day, deep regrets, and words unsaid. When I write a letter my relationship with the adressee is not always on the "up and up." The letter helps me focus on the positives, the qualities that make me love the person. The qualities that keep me involved. Sometimes I pass the letter on and sometimes I save it. There is no better gift than the gift of writing.

I carry notebooks of many sizes with me. One small notebook in my purse right now is filled with my to do lists, interesting quotes from school meetings, ideas for "30 Days" and my grocery list. I carry a larger notebook in my school bag to write letters. I wrote 3 today. 1 went to an old student that made a horrible choice. That choice had massive consequences. 1 went to Toby's bundle and the other I gave to my husband.

I also write to myself. This is what I wrote to myself 6 years ago, hours before I lost a person who moved me to  take a chance and make a choice that changed my life.

So there you have it, the final day in my 30 Days of Wellness.  I've written nothing profound.  Nothing that many of you have not heard. Nothing that many of you haven't thought before.  But I let you into my life, you know more about me than you ever expected to know.  In some ways WAY TOO MUCH. Many of you made connections to my experiences and journey.  Many of you maybe made one little change which has led to other little changes.  Many of you have started taking time to put yourself first.  That was my goal in starting day 1.   I won't be posting daily, but I will still post... I need sleep people- and Toby just pulled up a mini folding chair, stood on top and hit me on the shoulder to say, "Hey, look what I can do!"   When did he learn that?  Gah!



Day 29: I Unwind

At the end of the day I find myself searching for something to eat as a way to unwind.  I am not hungry or thirsty, it's just a habit of mind that I have picked up over time.  When I find myself scrounging through the cupboards at the end of the night I stop and walk out of the kitchen. I might pick up a book, play music, read a story to James or Toby, or pick up the phone and call my parents.  I might also work out some stress on my foam roller.  I carry my stress in my shoulders and neck.  I know others tend to carry it in their hips or lower back. 

There are other techniques for muscle relaxation.  I also hit up the hot tub at the Y 2-3 times a week.  If you haven't had a massage, run don't walk to make an appointment.  It has been quite a while since I've stepped foot into a massage therapy session, but the experience is amazing and I am by no means a touchy feely person, so the thought creeped me out at first.  Not anymore!

Massage therapy can relieve back pain, tension headaches and also boost your immunity.  My mom suffers from chronic neck, back and hip pain.  One way she relieves this is through a deep tissue massage every 3 weeks.

There are several different types of massages:

Deep tissue- is more of an intense muscle relaxation.

Sweedish- promotes relaxation through through long, circular motions.

Aroma-Therapy- Boosts your mood through fragrance oils.  These oils can help with stress relief, relaxing and balancing.  One of the most popular types is lavender.

Shiatsu-the therapist moves and stretches your body in a sequence of positions.
Reflexology- More than a foot massage, pressure is applied to different points on the foot that correspond to different organs and organ systems.

Sports Massage- Faster than a Sweedish Massage, this massage helps work out muscles and prevent injury.

And my personal favorite: Hot Stone Massage- This eases muscle aches and improves circulation with heated rocks placed on key points. Ribs, between the toes, places you never knew were sore.

You can expect to pay anywhere between $25-$75 for a message.  If this skeeves you out, get a mani/ pedi.  Even a hand/ foot massage will help you unwind.



Day 28: I Shoot for Maintaining During the H0-H0-H0LIDAYS

Losing weight during the holidays is an uphill battle.  It's a continuous stream of food during the month of December. I just focus on being healthy- not losing weight.  I go by an 80/20 rule.  80% of the week I will eat right, then 20% I will eat what I want.  I get picky though. I will not eat a lot of chips and dip, I can have those anytime. I will have my favorites. Grandma Beaver's Pecan pie, Reeces Trees, these fabulous Christmas cookies a student has brought me the past 5 years....mmmmmm

As I've said, I am kind of a stress eater and last night I plopped myself right in the middle of GROUND ZERO- my work Christmas Party.  For the record, I work with amazing teachers.  They are by far the most devoted, dedicated and knowledgeable staff I have ever gotten the opportunity to learn from.  But when teachers get together conversation turns to the inevitable.  ALL of the work we did, have to do, or need to get done before this or that date.  For most of us that date is tomorrow, December 5th.  UGH!  What someone brought buckeyes? Sugar Cookies? Hot wing dip? I don't even know what that is, but I will have 3.  So I sit here 5 hours later, still full with a dull headache and shaky- Are you sure you're not an alcoholic? hands.  Lesson learned? Probably not- I'm sure I will do it again next year because not only are they phenomenal teachers they have major baking skills.

Also, it's inevitable- every year someone asks me to, "Try this."
When I decline they say, "No really, try it."
"Um, no thanks."  I repeat.
"Here, just have one." Says my PUSHER as they set the plate in front of me and walk away.

Peer pressure sucks.  Whether you're 12 or 34, people do not take no for an answer.  The rest of the year when I am at parties, or family gatherings, I do these things:

1. Stay as far away from the kitchen as possible. 
2. I talk to people before I graze.  I give myself 20 minutes before I head to the trough and strap on the feed bag. Putting myself in awkward situations makes me want to eat, so I stay away from the food.
3. Hang out with the kids.  There's less drama there anyway.
4. I drink a lot of water. 
5. I load up on veggies, fruit, nuts.
6. Give away left overs or take it to work the next day.

I know this sounds obvious, but once I have a little sugar, my body craves it for a week.  So if I keep giving in to all of the holiday temptations my stocking will definitely be filled with coal.  So I let myself eat it 20% of the month.

Day 27: I Love

I love my boys, my husband, my family and friends.  All 3 of them. Ha. Many of them I love unconditionally.  Without rules. With all my heart.  With all my soul. 

 

I also love myself. I annoy myself too- but I love myself more.  It's hard to convince yourself that you are worth loving when really you loathe yourself. So, I replace the bad with the good.  For example:

I replace friends.  Recently I found one of my friends to be a real a-hole, always judging- cutting others down.  I stopped spending time with them. 

 


I speak slowly with an even tone- prey speaks in a high pitched and quick tone.

I repeat my successes.  It's so easy to focus on the bad instead of the good, missed opportunities where I felt stupid.  Before I fall asleep at night I think about all the good in my past day.

I look people in the eye- I don't get creepy and stare,but I do not cower when someone makes eye contact. Practice with strangers, then people you know.

I ask myself, "What's the worst that could happen?"  I don't hold back.

Day 26: I Do It Myself

I rarely ask for help.  I had 2.5 hours of sleep last night.  Toby's ears cleared up but 2 days ago he started a cough.  Last night was a rough one for him.  I've spent most of the night taking care of him.  It's what I do- it's who I am.  Never once did I nudge my husband to take over.  Not that Matt isn't capable, but it's who I am. I take care of people. 

The thing is, sometimes I need to be taken care of too.  I usually don't ask or I don't know how to ask or people think I don't want to be asked.  I just hope someone asks before I get too worn out and angry.

Change is real, and this type of change you can't do alone. Are you well? Do you want to get well? What do you need to change in your life?  Stop allowing it to be there.  So often people say, "but you don't understand.  I can't do that, I'm not like you." Really?  Because it seems to me we are all more alike than different.

Day 25: I Take Backflips Off the Wellness Wagon

Some days I have this hunger that no food can satisfy.  Yesterday was one of those days.  It started off great.  Stuck to a healthy breakfast, lunch- made it to 3:15 and wham...I found myself digging through my snack stash...when that didn't satisfy me, I found candy.  Still not satisfied I made my way home and before leaving to go to a visitation I had a gronola bar, some gummies and was seriously thinking about hitting up James' Halloween candy, but with 2 boys pulling me out the door, we made it to the visitation and Matt suggested Tower- I think he noticed my defenses were down.  Ahhh...Chicken Nachos. 

I heard the announcer in my head, "Julie steps to the edge of the platform, takes it into a handstand- shoots out to a triple sow-cow (I know that's ice skating and misspelled) barely a splash as she is covered head to toe in white cheese."  Mission accomplished- hungr satisfied.  Life goes on.

I am not perfect.  But I know that, so I don't focus on my imperfection.  I don't stay down, I stand back up and keep walking.  Life is a series of choices.  Some good, some bad- some horrible.  But I slowly stopped repeating horrible and bad choices.  Then they became not so bad choices, then ok choices, then good choices. 

Yesterday is in the past and today was a new day . 

Day 24: I Do Not Eat Fast Food

Panera, Subway, Jimmy Johns- Yes.  Mickey D's, Buger King, Arby's, Hardees- NO. 

There are several movies that I have seen that I can say changed my life.  This is one did. It made me really take a look at what I was putting in my body by choice.  Super Size Me should be required viewing for every parent.



 I am a Morgan Spurlock fan. I have yet to follow his Twitter feed, but there is still time. His 30 Days Series is fabulous.  30 Days on Minimum Wage will change your view of our class system, or maybe help you become more empathetic to why people are stuck in poverty.  Minimum Wage is supposed to provide enough income for people to live.  In today's economy many of those jobs are being performed by people with college degrees.