Confidence can hurt

I always want my boys to be confident. To be sure, that no matter what they can achieve their goals. In doing this, I forgot one small detail. That detail smacked me upside the head today at the park.

We have always known James has issues with sportsmanship. Since he was young he learned that if he cheated, he could win. Ehm- gpa farm. On the other hand, when he lost, he was devastated. When the team playing the cubbies hits a homer James goes into a full blown melt down. His pe grade is always in the middle of the plus-check-minus spectrum. I believe it is a check and not a minus because my fellow cohorts are doing me a "solid".

Today James was given a minus by yours truly, and in a way so was I. When we arrived at the park on our bikes we discovered his classmate Kyara was there. yeah! 2 minutes into it, and following her lead, James gets himself stuck in a baby swing. Laughing, I tell him I may have to call the fire department because I am not tall enough to get him out. Putting in as much effort as a rag doll, I tell him to pull himself up on the chains while I lift him around the waist and pull the plastic leech off his 7 year old rump. Wiggling his legs was too much work, so in swoops mom of Kyara to save the day. Thank u, I tell her while James runs off to race Kyara up the rock wall, down the slide, across the monkey bars. He can spin faster, jump higher flip better than her he says. He's a jacked up chihuahua and all the while Toby and I have started to cheer on Kyara who is quite the gymnast. After telling James nice try and to congratulate his new arch enemy- was met with several eye rolls and 4 new competitions.

After leaving the park, I excepted his weakness. He lacks a little humility. He can tell Toby good job, cheer me on in any race, encourage Matt to try again- but when it comes down to #1 failure is not an option.

So this summer I have found my new project- Operation Humble Jumble. I will update you on his progress and set backs. Tball practice starts tonight- wish me luck.

Happy Mother's Day to ME

I have learned over the years that special occasions need to be celebrated by giving myself a gift that I wish would have been given to me.

Since moving out of my parent's home I have learned that my mom really put 220% of herself into celebrating special occasions for my sibs and I. No one else will get up at o-dark thirty to decorate your kitchen with balloons, banners and streamers. No one else will make you your favorite meal or whatever type of cake your heart desires. So I now move through special occasions feeling both special and occasionally sad because no one breaks out the marching band quite like mom does.

Since battling this see saw of emotions I have learned that sometimes I need to gift myself. Today was no different. Drum roll please.....

Today I gifted myself my FIRST road bike ride of the year. Don't feel let down blogosphere because this is a HUGE deal.

Not only did it take me 15 minutes to get the bike unhooked from my trainer and through the labyrinth in me cellar door without hurting myself, but I completed the whole ride without falling. The first road ride of the season can be nerve racking and invigorating. Exciting and dreadful. I have been sometimes known to call my husband after wrecking to tell him to pick me up. I have also been known to blow a tire or two. I'm kinda like Gumby and Speed Racer all wrapped up and clipped into a two wheel death trap.

Today was no exception. Except there was no phone call or blow out, just my thoughts, fresh air and a 10 miles of glorious sunrise. Now I am off to do a little yoga and breathe, and try not to hope for breakfast in bed or flowers- just good morning mom, we love you. Nothing better than that!

Still in a love hate relationship with thie guy. 

Whoa Paint

On a scale of 1-10 (10 being successful and 1 being a complete failure) I rate my effort and commitment to this morning's long run a 1.8.

I was to do 12 miles. 2 miles in, I finally talked myself out of the rest of the run and started walking home. The humidity was nasty, my left hammy was tight, my Garmin is turning into a POS, I ate like crap yesterday, blah blah blah. Insert Milli Vanilli here. Bottom line- I gave up.

I gave up on myself. I gave up on something I love to do- Run. I run for many reasons. I run because I can. Some mornings I find myself running from my house. So thankful to be away from the mess, the stress, the constant roller coaster of life as a mom. Halfway through the run my shoulders relax and I find myself racing back. Wanting to be there to pull Toby out of his crib, snuggling my nose into the crook of his neck while he holds on tight. Wanting to greet James as his feet land at the bottom of the stairs with a, "love you. Missed your face. Tell me about your dreams." as he shuffles from leg to leg.

On occasion, I find myself getting bored with running. What happened this morning is what I needed to happen, mentally. I beat myself up for the first 45 minutes after I walked in the backdoor-then I let it go. Because without failure there is no success.

Sure next Saturday's race will not be a PR- I'm ok with that. Because I was not made to always push myself to my limits all -the -time. Like being a parent- sometimes I push hard and then ease back and let them do their thing. Racing for me is like that too- it's knowing when to ease up on myself and not push to my limit that I'm working on.

Leap List

I love this commercial.  There is so much to say about it. But that isn;t the point of sharing it.

Starting in May I am doing a Leap List Challenge....not so much a leap as a hop.  So what is one goal, hop that you have for yourself? 

My May Leap will be more spiritual.  I need to head back to church.  I have gotten away from making this a priority.  I need to strengthen my relationship as well as set a stronger foundation of religion in my boys' life. They need to have a relationship and exerience with which to compare whatever religion they choose to follow later on in life.

Cinco De MOMo

I grew up watching this show.  I played along most mornings in the summer.  Bob Barker and his BEA-uties were regular 10 am friends.  I had little problem selecting grocery items based on cost.  In fact I'd daydream that Bobbie would call me on stage and I'd be screaming like a maniac when I was told I would be playing PLINKO! Seriously, Plinko- my absolute favorite game.  I'd drop plastic disks down the peg board one by one. Sometimes I would hit big- once in a while I went bankrupt.

I've never really had a hard time deciding on the value of things. Which costs more or less? Peanut butter vs. Neosporin...Pah-lease Bob, who are you fool'n?  Fast forward to today...It's not 10 am and Barkers not on stage.  I guess I'm still playing, deciding which is more valuable.  Time with husband, myself, my kids, my family...the list goes on.

I was told 2 days ago that I spread myself too thin.  That I need to prioritize- that I JUST CAN'T DO IT ALL.  I had to step back and take a look at that and how I have been valuing things lately.  I look at my life like a juggling act.  Each priority of something I value has its own ball.  At different stages, I drop a ball or two.  It's life, sometimes my boys outweigh work or sometimes my husband comes before myself.  Lately I haven't been juggling myself very well.

 

She's pretty with-it, isn't she?  Really she's not.  She's bound to drop something because you just can't do it all at once.  I had too many balls in the air, so I made myself prioritize and narrow things down. And slow the rotation down.  I was losing myself and in the process not able to be 100% present with my boys, job or family.  In my drive to do it all, I wasn't really doing anything well.

I sat down last night and asked myself what was more valuable.  Juggling 3 jobs so I can give my boys what they needed or juggling 1 job and being 100% present- just being with them, listening to them. 

I made a few changes. 1. no more rushing home shoving down dinner so I can get to work and rush J to his soccer practice, karate class, or boy scout meeting.  I agree that being involved is important.  But not to the point that his involvement in things leaves less time for us as a family.  So I've set a rule.  Only 1 night of extra curricular activities, 1 night of 1 on 1 time with dad and I, and 1 night where we are all a family.  I know it sounds simple and most families do this anyway, but we weren't- we were too busy.  I had to schedule it in. In a way that makes me sad.  I undervalued my relationship with him because I thought he would get more from other people and experiences, when it was leaving him lonely and craving our attention. 

2. I am important.  If I don't take care of myself and make myself happy, then no one else can.  Being happy starts with me.  I can no longer blame my husband for my unhappiness.  Sure, he adds to it, but it isn't his job.  On the other hand, I cannot always be the gardener in our relationship.  There needs to be balance.  I'm not talking about a Showcase Showdown, but we need to schedule time in for each other, too.

3. I need to schedule in time for myself- physical, mental and spiritual.  I had been running on months of personal withdrawals until I found myself bankrupt...Most women cry it out in the shower- I however took it out on my lawn mower on Wednesday. Imagine that.

What do you value? What is more important in your life? Things? Relationships? Take time this weekend to reprioritize.

Keep on Keep'n On

Collide

The word even sounds violent.

I'm getting ready to start the final theme in my classroom.  The last 4 weeks we are focusing on JUMP. We are looking at areas in our lives that we want to make jumps.

In order to jump you have to have faith.  Many of my students lack faith in themselves.  Confidence that they "can and will."  I don't think this is just an issue for 11 year olds.  This is an issue many people face every day. The courage, will and faith that you "can and will".

In order to make a jump one has to be willing to collide.  When 2 objects collide, 1 object is always changed. It is through these collisions that we grow as people.  What if you never collided with anything?  Where would your life have taken you?

It's scary to think about, but as adults we sometimes stop colliding on purpose.  When that happens, I think God has a way of putting things in our path to force change- good or bad.  With that comes hope- believing that something good can come from something bad.  So never lose hope.  

Many ordinary people have faced extraordinary collisions where they had to have faith- in themselves and a higher power.  Here are a few that we are looking at this week.

Crew and Passengers on the TITANIC. Many gave up their seats so more women and children could be saved.  Some did not.  Do you remember the musicians at the end?  Even when the ship was sinking, they kept playing!
Aron Ralston- a hiker who cut off his own arm when he was trapped in a 3-foot slot canyon in Canyonlands National Park.
Mark Pfetzer: in May 1996 the media scrambled to document the gripping story of the sixteen-year-old's expedition to Mount Everest. Not only was he the youngest climber ever to attempt the summit, he also witnessed the tragedy of 8 other climbers dying in a sudden storm.
Bethany Hamilton- a 13 year-old surfer whose left arm was bitten off by a shark. It took 20 minutes of paddling to get her back on shore.
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Kendall Ciesemier understood the human struggle at a young age.  At age 11 as she underwent two liver transplants, Kendall started Kids Caring 4 Kids (KC4K), a non-profit that raises money and awareness for highly vulnerable children in Africa by inspiring youth worldwide to care for others in need.
Alex, a 4 year old cancer patient, started her own front yard lemonade stand to help raise money to find a cure for cancer- it's turned into a national movement that has raised millions. 

So really, if ordinary people can do extraordinary things, why can't you? Take a jump, a leap of faith- believe in yourself and collide with something, someone.  Even if you aren't changed, maybe the other object will be.